box full of LIFE...not the cereal

This wee has been exceptionally hard with no time off to breathe, very little sleep and some not so good news on hubs TBI. Yet yesterday I received THIS and it allllll turned around!



This box is the most pretty box I've ever received!




This box is the cutest thing ever. It has found it's home in my kitchen! I love love love it.



This journal is FULL of journal pages and inspirational sayings, quotes, scriptures...wow is all I can say.


































These are just a few pages of this amazing book of inspiration.

Sherry, you are such an amazing, beautiful, talented, gracious, woman that I am SO grateful to have in my life and call my friend! You are amazing! Thank you again for this journal! I love love love it! I think this is the perfect prescription for getting back to me and focusing within! Your the best! XoxoxoX

I couldn't resist sharing this with my sweet blogger friends and the box that turned this week/month/year/life around.

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Cherish the journey...

So it is my philosophy to enjoy your journey each step, each hardship and pitfall is there to grow you and better you humble you and create character in YOU. I have had too many humbling experiences lately but at the end of the day I'm grateful for the life and blessings God has given me. The baby journey in my life has been consistently hard yet I still try daily to thank God for the journey and making me grow through this process. It has been harder than words can express but I am holding the faith that it IS GODS PLAN for us.

Raising a child is a journey. Each pregnancy, each birth and each child is different. I know the sickness during pregnancy, the sleepless nights during the feedings or teething times aren't fun, and I'm sure the peanut butter in drapes isn't a moms ideal day. However, have you ever wondered if you would EVER have a child. Hearing those complaints and seeing them on Facebook posts are enough to make me literally ill. It takes everything in me to not lose my mind on these friends of mine. Mark my words fellow "infertiles" I will NEVER complain about this when we have our little blessing in our life. I wonder everyday why I am going through this and what lesson God has for me in the end and I look forward to learning what HE has in store for me. What I do know that this journey has taught me to be thankful for what's in my life and thankful for the journey God has me on the good, the bad the journey is my own and has a destination that I'm eager to see!
Enjoy your journey no matter what it holds...count your blessings today.

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let the humble see....

So as you will see in my last post we have been through SO much in the last couple months. Actually since Aug 2008 we have really been through it. Airborne, not passing airborne because of shoulder injury, new post (ft hood), deployment orders, deployment, IEDs, wedding drama, wedding/R&R and hubs leaving, more IEDs, major medical issues(brain injury, shoulder injury, back pain, nightmares, insomnia, migraines, memory loss), return from deployment, readjusting and adapting to married life, moving from CA to TX, more medical issues, baby journey, surgery, IVF, missing home, my diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" coupled with endometriosis, along with SO many other things that have been road blocks or bumps in the road and well through all of that we have managed to come out stronger. 

HOWEVER the infertility/baby journey has weighed on my heart so much. I have just felt weighed down by the questions and fears and all of the above that weighs more on me everyday. (I am in NO WAY saying my husband isn't just as stressed and worried I can only speak for how I feel.) I have prayed, cried and cried, prayed some more. I have really been considering using a surrogate to give us our baby. I was so afraid to talk to the hubs about it because I didn't know how he would feel and for me its almost like admitting defeat that I cannot carry my child myself. It took me about 2 weeks of not mentioning it to anyone and soul searching if I could actually do that. It is really hard to be 24 and know there is a good chance you cannot have a child. Most days it feels like someone has stolen my joy. A few days ago I finally mentioned it to him and he loves it. He saw how hard IVF shots were on me and how it treated my body and although surrogacy requires most of the same shots it doesn't require the rest of the demand on my body and the other 60+ shots. I spoke to a woman yesterday about surrogacy and I feel like she lifted so much burden off my fears. I was so worried I wouldn't be able to be involved and she explained SO much and gave me a lot of info and resources to research more. If you know me at all you know I research everything so my spare time I have been reading reading reading. I feel like even if it isn't how we choose to go it has given me a new sense of HOPE. I had lost hope and became very fearful being but today I am being reminded a fear is the absence of faith. HE KNOWS. HE'S IN CONTROL. 

This was my devotion this morning...

The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God's help be encouraged. --Psalms 69:32

Everyday I have to remind myself this. It is an uphill battle but luckily my husband has some great combat experience and we are in this together. This scripture is going to be framed today and hung in our home to serve as a reminder of HIS work in our life and HIS plan. I hope no matter your burdens in your journey this reminds you HE IS AT WORK in your life. HE has a plan. Keep the faith and be encouraged and ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY!!!! 

Have a blessed day dolls. 

XO

Meg

I have been MIA a lot from my blog and I apologize to you, my sweet blog friends. I have been traveling a lot for business and had a lot happening here. We have been dealing with Z deploying, not deploying, deploying, who knows with the Army but as of this moment he is not deploying. He has too much going on with his medical issues from the previous deployment to go again so hopefully it stays this way. We are still trying to have a baby and figuring out how we are going to go about it. I don't know what direction to take. I pray daily but I still am unsure. I cannot put my body through IVF. I mentally and physically cannot handle it. Very recently I have really begun considering surrogacy. I just need to find the perfect person that is an family/friend/acquaintance of someone I know that I can trust their lifestyle is what I would want for my baby's growth period. I can't fathom a complete stranger growing my baby without me and to be brutally honest, I just picture scenes from the movie baby mama. ha don't judge me I can't help it! I know God has a plan I just wish He would share it with me soon. I can't express how much I want a child. I see so many people who act like they could care less about their kids and we'd give anything to care for them. Z gets out in less than a year now and it makes me so nervous. I know he will do great things he just does not have direction yet. I am praying for him to know what he wants and what will make him happy. It's hard to say where we will end up and what he will end up doing but we keep trudging through this crazy journey together. God will direct our path I know. I just wonder when we are going to get our break, get our child, get my husband's health back on track and know where Z/we are headed. This season of life is scary and so much uncertainty. I feel like it is all falling on my shoulders and boy is it getting heavy. Today I am praying for HIS direction, HIS guidance and HIS strength.

Military Spouse Friday Fill-In

1. What is one of the things you always do special when your husband returns from a deployment?
Luckily we only have had one deployment thus far and I am praying not another, but I took weeks to find the cutest outfit. My favorite part was make up for all the things he missed. I decorated our hotel room, set up "Christmas" a month late due to him being gone, and got some food and drinks for the hotel room so we could relax!

2. What do you do to help your spouse and/or yourself re-adjust after a deployment or long separation?
After deployment it is time to relearn each other, with us we had a very tough road as newly married people just beginning our married life after a year apart. I would say the number 1 thing is to include them in planning things and allow them to readjust. For those of you who haven't been through a deployment homecoming your mil spouse might not want to be in crowded places for awhile so plan to stay low key. It is a very transitional phase so enjoy down time and reconnect!! A year people change a lot and adding all they go through while deployed it really changes them so it is a time to relearn one another and get your relationship back on track. GIVE UP your Independence and strength that you must have during deployment and allow yourself to PARTNER with your mil spouse again. It is a key element to reconnecting.

3. Are you a crazy coupon clipper?
No, I would like to be! Any of you girls have any tips??

4. What's your most treasured memory of you and your spouse (not counting your wedding - that's a given)?
Christmas morning 2008 when he proposed. Just me and him and our own little Christmas in our cute little apartment with our little Liberty. It was special times just between us. We haven't got to share a Christmas like that since. 2009 he was deployed and 2010 we lived in TX so we went home to CA and shared with family but didn't get our time in our home. Looking forward to getting that again.


5. If you could live anywhere overseas, what would you pick and why?
 Germany, so I cold learn more about my family history or Europe, so I could travel the country side. Either work for me!

me x 100

This is long and has taken me weeks to actually finish because Im too ADD to sit and do it at once but here you go....

1. I don't usually like nick names but my husband and I both go by them.
2. I'm WAY too tender-hearted. I seriously cry at the most lame things.
3. I'm a huge animal person.
4. I want to build a home on a big piece of land in the next few years.
5. I love concerts.
6. During deployment, we probably sent 20,000+ instant messenger messages.
7. I love to go for a drive to unwind.
8. I love to read.
9. I'm addicted to my phones. I have two and love them equally.
10. I hate math yet my job is all numbers.
11. My most prized possession is my great-grandmothers china she gave us when we got married.
12. I love to take pictures, I have a fancy photog camera and a few lenses just for myself for fun.
13. I love Hawaii’s beaches and Utah’s mountains.
14. I love, love, love to cook and entertain.
15. I was very outgoing as a child and my brother was very shy, as adults we have kinda swapped. I am more introverted now and he is Mr. Social.
16. I have a lot of goals in life and things I want to do that have nothing to do with each other. (see 88)
17. I wonder/worry/pray daily if I will ever have kids.
18. Sometimes I regret not staying in college. Other days I am grateful.
19. I love fleur de lis. It is a trend right now so a lot of people do but I love them for their meaning. (French Meaning--Holy flower, symbol of the trinity, American Meaning-- sign of eternal hope)
20. I think I annoy Z with some of the questions I ask. They do come out of left field sometimes.
21. I love starbucks skinny vanilla lattes.

22. I have had 5 cars in 7 years.
23. I love my Goddaughter more than any words can express.
24. I love shoes too much! I have approximately 300 pairs.
25. I want to change our lifestyle and completely eat organically.
26. I hardly ever watch a whole movie at home without falling asleep.
27. I love mornings.
28. I am very insecure.
29. I love peppermints with the pink (cinnamon) center.
30. I am OCD and ADD.
31. I wish to be taller.
32. I aspire to know my husband’s nationality.
33. I love my dogs like they are my children.
34. I want to visit every state in the US.
35. I count down and plan everything.
36. I love to travel, yet hate to pack and unpack.
37. I love getting fun mail or “presents” from online shopping.
38. My most major surgery to date was for trying to have a baby.
39. I was 24 before I broke a bone...then I broke two.
40. Two of my all time favorite movies are Pretty Woman & Top Gun.
41. I was born and raised in California. It’s in my blood.
42. I love zebra print.
43. I love jewelry…I filled a jewelry armoire and its overflowing.
44. I love Mexican and Japanese food.
45. I LOVE to go fast, before I married Z I almost bought a street bike. (he isn’t a fan)
46. I love to sing in the car.
47. I'm afraid of any creature, bugs and spiders, snakes, especially FROGS!

48. I like to do laundry, hate to fold it and put it away.
49. I am a girly tomboy.
50. I love surprising people.
51. We planned our dream giant wedding, went through SO much during the 1^st half of deployment, hub had a change of heart threw out those plans and planned our PERFECT wedding day in four weeks.
52. I make organize or clean when I’m stressed or upset.
53. I want to learn more about different cultures and religions to understand people better (not at all for myself)
54. I love the stars. They remind me just how small I am but part of something bigger than I could ever fathom.
55. I love the ocean.
56. I’m trilingual…yes, 3 languages, English, American Sign and French. (Still want to know more)
57. I love to work. Sick I know.
58. Sometimes I think way too much into things.
59. I love to decorate.
60. I love Audrey Hepburn.
61. I want a ski boat.
62. I love wine.
63. I love to car shop and test drive cars.
64. I love my family more than words. By my I mean my blood family, my family by marriage and our Army family.
65. I used to only want 2 kids now I think I want more. Whatever God has in store for me.
66. I have never been camping.
67. I hate socks.
68. I love winter most out of the 4 seasons.
69. I will own a Bentley at some point.
70. I love rhinestones, and any kind of BLING.
71. I love Louis Vuitton.
72. I never have my umbrella when it's raining.
73. I love to make nothing into something. Like old door knobs, wine bottles, etc.
74. I did pageants and modeling years ago and still pose like it. Don’t hold it against me.
75. I am obsessed with quotes by former leaders, famous people and presidents.
76. I aspire to give my son 4 names total. (2 middle names)
77. I have one girl name picked out for when/if we have kids that is my favorite name EVER. Gianna -- Means God is Gracious (I will be so upset if one of my friends steals this, so please don’t)
78. I don’t believe in the media, news is off limits in our house.
79. I love music. Pretty much every kind! I have thousands upon thousands of songs.
80. I research EVERYTHING.
81. I Web MD everything the Mil Doc’s say about my husband and research every medicine he is on.
82. I shop a lot of places but expensive jeans are an ADDICTION. I hate to add up how much I’ve spent on just jeans. (My husbands the same way…dangerous)
83. I cant stand people to be mean to others or make fun of them especially those who are special needs.
84. Since I married Z, I get the chills at the National Anthem.
85. I have weird pet peeves, like the tv being on and no one watching makes me crazy!
86. I can’t stand for someone to make me feel stupid or inferior. It’s the one thing that makes me instantly fighting mad.
87. I have a learning disability.
88. I aspire to own restaurants and bakeries, open & fund law firm to help people get legal counsel they couldn't normally afford and help people with adoption, open a gourmet and organic food store, teach special education, design a clothing line, continue my dad’s business with my brother and keep it in our family, and most of all be a mom.
89. I love thunderstorms but only if I’m at home.
90. I love rainbows.
91. I have two tattoos. Not many people know that.
92. I aspire to get my pilots license and a plane.
93. I love to people watch.

94. I love holidays all but Halloween.
95. I save so many pointless things in hopes to do “something” with. (someday)
96. I want to have a large salt water tank with jellyfish in my home or office someday.
97. I love coffee
98. I am too trusting
99. I like to please others but now at 24 I can say I am me, take it or leave it.
100. I AM DONE!!!!