let the humble see....

So as you will see in my last post we have been through SO much in the last couple months. Actually since Aug 2008 we have really been through it. Airborne, not passing airborne because of shoulder injury, new post (ft hood), deployment orders, deployment, IEDs, wedding drama, wedding/R&R and hubs leaving, more IEDs, major medical issues(brain injury, shoulder injury, back pain, nightmares, insomnia, migraines, memory loss), return from deployment, readjusting and adapting to married life, moving from CA to TX, more medical issues, baby journey, surgery, IVF, missing home, my diagnosis of "unexplained infertility" coupled with endometriosis, along with SO many other things that have been road blocks or bumps in the road and well through all of that we have managed to come out stronger. 

HOWEVER the infertility/baby journey has weighed on my heart so much. I have just felt weighed down by the questions and fears and all of the above that weighs more on me everyday. (I am in NO WAY saying my husband isn't just as stressed and worried I can only speak for how I feel.) I have prayed, cried and cried, prayed some more. I have really been considering using a surrogate to give us our baby. I was so afraid to talk to the hubs about it because I didn't know how he would feel and for me its almost like admitting defeat that I cannot carry my child myself. It took me about 2 weeks of not mentioning it to anyone and soul searching if I could actually do that. It is really hard to be 24 and know there is a good chance you cannot have a child. Most days it feels like someone has stolen my joy. A few days ago I finally mentioned it to him and he loves it. He saw how hard IVF shots were on me and how it treated my body and although surrogacy requires most of the same shots it doesn't require the rest of the demand on my body and the other 60+ shots. I spoke to a woman yesterday about surrogacy and I feel like she lifted so much burden off my fears. I was so worried I wouldn't be able to be involved and she explained SO much and gave me a lot of info and resources to research more. If you know me at all you know I research everything so my spare time I have been reading reading reading. I feel like even if it isn't how we choose to go it has given me a new sense of HOPE. I had lost hope and became very fearful being but today I am being reminded a fear is the absence of faith. HE KNOWS. HE'S IN CONTROL. 

This was my devotion this morning...

The humble will see their God at work and be glad. Let all who seek God's help be encouraged. --Psalms 69:32

Everyday I have to remind myself this. It is an uphill battle but luckily my husband has some great combat experience and we are in this together. This scripture is going to be framed today and hung in our home to serve as a reminder of HIS work in our life and HIS plan. I hope no matter your burdens in your journey this reminds you HE IS AT WORK in your life. HE has a plan. Keep the faith and be encouraged and ENJOY YOUR JOURNEY!!!! 

Have a blessed day dolls. 

XO

Meg