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I have been MIA a lot from my blog and I apologize to you, my sweet blog friends. I have been traveling a lot for business and had a lot happening here. We have been dealing with Z deploying, not deploying, deploying, who knows with the Army but as of this moment he is not deploying. He has too much going on with his medical issues from the previous deployment to go again so hopefully it stays this way. We are still trying to have a baby and figuring out how we are going to go about it. I don't know what direction to take. I pray daily but I still am unsure. I cannot put my body through IVF. I mentally and physically cannot handle it. Very recently I have really begun considering surrogacy. I just need to find the perfect person that is an family/friend/acquaintance of someone I know that I can trust their lifestyle is what I would want for my baby's growth period. I can't fathom a complete stranger growing my baby without me and to be brutally honest, I just picture scenes from the movie baby mama. ha don't judge me I can't help it! I know God has a plan I just wish He would share it with me soon. I can't express how much I want a child. I see so many people who act like they could care less about their kids and we'd give anything to care for them. Z gets out in less than a year now and it makes me so nervous. I know he will do great things he just does not have direction yet. I am praying for him to know what he wants and what will make him happy. It's hard to say where we will end up and what he will end up doing but we keep trudging through this crazy journey together. God will direct our path I know. I just wonder when we are going to get our break, get our child, get my husband's health back on track and know where Z/we are headed. This season of life is scary and so much uncertainty. I feel like it is all falling on my shoulders and boy is it getting heavy. Today I am praying for HIS direction, HIS guidance and HIS strength.